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Na Na Na Na Bat-Will

All good superheroes need a will - Batman is no exception.

After helplessly watching his parents gunned down in an armed robbery, Batman was propelled to begin the rightful passage of fighting crime.

*SPOILER ALERT* As much as well all hate to admit it, Batman is human. And, like all humans, Batman will die.

With no legal family, no one was set to inherit Batman’s giant estate. In fact, under the rules of intestacy, Batman’s empire was to be handed over to the Gotham City government.

So, after 78 years of fighting crime, Batman came to Damsons Future Planning. He believed it was time to face his fears on death by capturing his final wishes in a will. He wanted to grant his “associates” peace of mind if the worse was to happen to him.

Here is his will:

I, the greatest superhero of all, Batman of the cavernous cave system beneath Wayne Manor (not Batman’s secret Bat-Cave), appoint Alfred Pennyworth the sole executor of the Bat-will. If Alfred dies before me (lol) or if he fails to step up for any other reason (LOL), I appoint Robin the sole executor of the Bat-will (he better not fail).

I give everything I own at my death (although Batman spirit will never die) to Alfred and Robin, with the following requests:

  • Robin is to be promoted to Batman (although, he will never be as good as the real Batman Batman) to continue my legacy and combat my arch-enemies: The Joker, Two-Face, Penguin, Bane, The Riddler, Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze.
  • Alfred is to remind Superman daily that Batman is, and will always be, the greatest superhero of all time.
  • All Bat-Memorabilia to be donated to orphanages around Gotham City.
  • The identity and death of Batman is never to be revealed.

After a low-key service in Divinity Church (Batman doesn’t do low-key), I wish to be buried wearing the Bat-Suit with my utility belt in my Bat-Mobile (just in case Batman returns from the dead, again), alongside Thomas Wayne and Martha Wayne at the Wayne Mansion (totally not the parents of Batman), and request “na na na na, na na na na, na na na na, na na na na Batman” to be played before and after the service.

In the event Alfred Pennyworth or Robin die before me, I (reluctantly) leave the Bat-Estate to Catwoman.

Signed by the said

In the presence of us,
James Gordon – Gotham City Police Commissioner
Stacey – Secretary and Gotham’s Biggest Bat-Fan

See Batman’s full Damsons-approved written will here.

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